Disappointed, but maybe there's something that can be done...
As per my previous blog, I've been pretty down in the dumps lately. Yesterday kind of capped it off. Yesterday is one of those days that you expect to be good, but then you receive no e-mails and your friends blow you off to do something else. Basically, it sucked. I do have some awards to hand out though:
Hero Awards:
1) Mom and Dad for taking the kids so that I could have a quiet dinner out with Jake and also for getting me flowers and a very nice present that cheered me up lots. And apparently there is to be cake tonight...hurrah!
2) Kendra and Lynda for actually showing up at my party without having to be cajoled into it...and thanks to them, I actually had a great evening with the girls :) That was so much fun that next time, I may only invite the girls!
Because of you guys, my day at least ended well and was not a total loss. Thank you!
Honourable Mentions:
1) Jake - he didn't have time to shop because he's been sick and has been depressed a lot himself lately, but he still took me out for a nice dinner and tried to make me feel special.
2) My Yakalicious Friend - for sending me an e-mail on Friday telling me to enjoy the weekend.
Here's the really frustrating, thing, though. My life is actually crappy and depressing mostly because of myself. I've immersed myself in this inanely mundane world in which my life revolves solely around going to work, spending time with my family, and housework. I have become a drone. I rarely e-mail my friends anymore, have stopped planning activities, do not do anything extracurricular except watch DVDs, and don't really take care of myself (as in eat properly, exercise, or treat myself). I am depressed and, really, not doing anything to pull myself out of it...and I can't really expect others to do it for me.
I guess I'm more disappointed in myself than in anyone else because you can't really expect friendship when you aren't being a good friend yourself. So, let's see what I can do about that.
posted by LilyMab @ 10:53 a.m.
2 comments
2 Comments:
Hey Ash. Sorry your birthday was a bit of a disappointment. Glad you had some fun later in the day though! As for friends being distant, don't take it personally. I don't hear from people on a regular basis either and I'm usually the one to hunt them down. I have just accepted that some people have very busy schedules and that there may be other friends and family that are more of a priority than me. Sometimes I wish things could be different, but I have accepted that that's the way they are. I don't think it has anything to do with you being a "bad" or "distant" friend, people probably think you're just as busy as they are. I mean you have 2 kids and are planning a wedding! I think you do a great job keeping in touch with people, this blog site for example, I mean I check it 10 times a day! I think it's important to realize that some of the friendships you have go way back and people don't just forget about those. It is more of a challenge since most of your friends live in other cities, but no one has forgotten you, you seem to have some great friends that post on this site, the library friends for instance. I feel lonely and abandoned by my family. I mean if we don't go to my parents' houses (both sets of parents), we hardly see them. It's like they can't put in the effort to see us but expect us to put out all the effort for them. They don't call, but when they need a babysitter boy do they call. Anyway, not quite the same thing, but I sort of feel like I don't have a family, just me and John. So I am working on not letting what other people do affect me. It's hard though. But most of the time if people ignore or lash out at you it's not personal. It doesn't feel nice, but if you can take a step back and say "this is not about me and I have the power over my life and my feelings and I will not let this person change how I feel about myself or drag me down". It is very empowering. The other thing is to do things because you want to, not because it will please others. Of course most of us like to make others happy and it makes us feel good about ourselves and of course sometimes people need a kind gesture. But make sure you're doing it with no expectations, do it because you want to, because if the person doesn't reciprocate, it can be very hurtful and disappointing leading to depression and low self esteem. I used to live my life for other people, trying to gain their acceptance, approval, thinking if I just did these nice things or if I changed myself they would like me. Well all it got me was doormat status and a very low self esteem. It is still a work in progress, but I am learning to do things for myself because I want to. I am not asking other people for their input into my life so much either.
Sorry for rambling, I just don't want you to stress yourself trying to please other people. I know you are bored and frustrated with things and that being a working mom is difficult, but never forget that there are 3 people in your house that think the world of you and always will, you are everything to them, just as they are everything to you. Focus on doing what's best for you and your family and everything else will fall into place. Sometimes what's best is for you and Jake to have some time alone, or for you to have some time with friends etc. Just don't feel that you are doing anything wrong.
Now go get a Happy Meal and play with the toy! Yeep!
Also would like to recommend the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Perhaps you've heard of it or read it, but it has some good lessons.
Yak
Hey my friend. I am sorry I missed your birthday too! ME so BAD!!! I no longer have the birthday list (no excuse). However, I think about my friends, close and distant,all the time and wish you were all a lot closer.
Hugs from me....
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